Adventures in Time Wasting

Sit back and relax, this might be a long post. And as the title outlines my journey of yesterday, it too describes you reading this post.


Where do I begin? Ok, here we go. Yesterday I got a call from Laura who told me about this great painting she wanted to get from Z Gallery for our living room. The only problem was, they didn't have it at the location next to her work. The only place we could get it from was the store in Atlantic Station. For those of you who don't know, Atlantic station is a good 45 minutes (without traffic) from our house. I told Laura I wouldn't mind going down there after work (about a 25 minute drive) to pick it up. (You see, there was only one left in stock, and it was on sale, so we had to work fast.) This made Laura really happy, and since I didn't have much to do that night, it was really no trouble.


Before I left work to get the painting Laura told me that it was pretty big (dimensions 36"x72"), but I thought it would fit. All I would have to do is lay the front seat down and simply slide it in to the back of the car. After all, I am 72" tall, and I can lay down flat in the car. (Raise your hand if you think you know where this story is going.)


So I got down to Atlantic station, and I didn't want to park in the deck because its kind of a pain to get out with the whole ticket thing they got. So I found a spot on the street and fed the meter with a quarter and a dime. Yeah, that only got me about 11 minutes. I then ran into the store and told the ladies there that I was here to pick up the painting. At first they tried to charge me an extra $120, so I had to lay down the law. I said, "No, that's not the price we were given at the other store. See, I have this email (one from Laura telling me the price, definitely not official) that says the price is this." The lady gave me the following whoopi goldberg look.

I told her to call the other store and check. Sure enough, she checked the price and we were good to go. However, I was getting very impatient because I knew all of this haggling was taking up valuable time that I probably didn't have left on the meter. And to make it worse, the clerks who were supposed to be wrapping the painting were consulting with a shopper on what type of turquoise picture frame to get for their bedroom! Needless to say, I gave those guys the evil eye.

Finally! I got the painting and rushed back to my car to see the meter had expired, but there was no ticket! Phew! I had made it. Now I just had to shove this painting in the car and take off for home. So I opened up the front passenger side door and started to slide in the painting....uh oh. This POS wasn't fitting. I thought about it.... Maybe I can put it in the back seat and slide it to the front....No dice. I was all alone, standing on the streets of atlantic station with a car and a painting obviously too big for it. People were walking by me whispering, "does that idiot think that painting will fit into that tiny car?" Then I tried shoving it in a different direction. The whispers continued, "Gawd! He really is an idiot......let's keep watching."

It must have been like watching the dumbest cat in the litter trying to walk through a glass door and never really understanding why the hell it couldn't get through. I mean, there is nothing in the way! I can clearly see where I want to go. Why cant I get there? Stupid cat!

I called Laura and told her the situation. She suggested tying to the top of the car. I immediately knew that was a bad idea. There was no way that this would make it down the high way strapped to the car. We then decided to borrow her dad's expedition and come back that night to get it. But before I could take it back to the store I had to somehow get change for the meter. I had exhausted my supply of silver coins earlier in the adventure!

I saw a lady in uniform with a segway, so I thought I would go tell her the situation. She looked like the person that could keep me from getting a ticket. I walked across the street, painting in hand, and told her the entire situation. Then I asked, "Can you please not give me a ticket, I will be back really quick, I just need to drop off this painting." She replied, "I don't give parking tickets. I'm security!"..... "Srsly? You cant just watch it for a couple seconds?" I asked.

"Nope, Im security! I make sure Atlantic Station is secure."

Ok, that was a waste of energy. I'm not sure how much security one barely 5 foot tall lady with a radio, badge, and bike helmet can provide. But, oh well, I better keep those thoughts to myself. So now I, the man, had to walk back into the interior decorating store with my tail between my legs and tell the ladies I hassled with that I couldn't fit the painting in my car. This, as you can imagine, was embarrassing. I dashed into the store, dropped the painting off and ran the hell out of there! (You might be saying, why not just pick it up this weekend? Well, we only have a 24 hour return window so we have to see if we like it in the living room tonight. If not, we are stuck with it.) Now to start my journey back to Alpharetta to get the truck.....

(At this point in the story, as I'm driving back, there would be a montage. A super awesome montage of 80's power ballads showing my hair whipping in the wind as I solemnly drive back home. I'm talking a crazy awesome montage!)

I made it to Laura's parent's house so I could pick up the truck. Her dad tossed me the keys and asked, "going down to Atlantic Station?" I replied with my head down, "Yeah...again." He and Meredith both laughed. I know, I deserved it. With that, I was back on the road. Thank goodness there was little traffic. I mean there were plenty of cars on the road, but everyone was moving fast. About 45 minutes later I pulled into atlantic station, and snagged the first street spot I saw. I needed one I could pull into because I didn't want to further embarrass myself trying to parallel park a big truck I wasn't use to driving. I walked up to ZGallery, and sure enough there were three open spots right in front of the store. Crap.

I talked with the ladies at the desk again and they gave me my painting. I thanked them and immediately booked it out of there. I walked a couple blocks to the car, put the painting in the back and was on my way home. Why I ever thought that would fit in my car, I don't know. Like I said, I am 72" inches tall, and I can lay down flat. The thing I didn't consider was I am not 36" wide and I am not constructed like a painting. Life lessons.....life lessons.

(Again, here is a great time for a killer montage. This time instead of power ballades, let's use some sweet upbeat VanHalen, like Panama. Or if that doesn't work, we can keep it slow with Home by Daughtry. Either way, it will be sweet.)

I pulled into the driveway after my 3 and half hour adventure, and I was so glad to be home. Laura asked me as I walked in, "Well, do you like the painting?" I being no idiot responded, "you damn right I like it!" Because I knew exactly where I'd be if I didn't. Back in the car on my way to Atlantic Station.