Biggest Loser Finale recap

Tuesday was the end to epic season on the Biggest Loser. The season was full of hilarious antics by some of the chubbiest contestants in recent memory. For this post I thought I would run down the list of the ranchers, give you an update on them and my final thoughts.

Antoine - never got to know this cat. All I know is that he loves to smile and he lost a lot of weight. Now instead of being fat with large boobies, he is husky with medium boobies. Way to go Antoine!

Alexandra - She had one of the worst New York accents you could ever imagine. Pair that with no personality and you have the recipe for a soon forgotten reality show contestant. She and Antoine got engaged during the finale right after they both weighed in. How romantic. (Antoine weighs less than her)

Sean - everybodys favorite youth pastor/kool-aid man impersonator told America that he and his wife just had a daughter and named it Jillian. It looked like he still had some of the pregnancy weight to lose, so he didn't crush the weigh in. But he is down from 400+ to 260ish.

Julio - Oh Julio, where do we being. Julio came into the show as the comical fat Mexican guy. And he left as the not so funny creepy Telemundo news anchor. His creepy mustache-o and goatee were nasty. In his montage of "highlights" the BL producers included about 10 instances of his falling down and rolling around. Awesome!

Coach Mo - Still looking sad coach mo saddled up to the scale and lost something like 90 lbs. The Eeyore of this season didn't say much and didn't smile.

Dina - What? Wha wha who? What's a Dina? My point exactly. This waste of a contestant made no attempt to be likeable, memorable, or thin. She came to the finale dressed like a weather balloon and we will never hear from her again.

Abby - Abby, as we all know was the inspirational rancher this season with her tragic story. She was looking pretty good standing between Dina, Eeyore, and Tracy.

Tracy - Oh lord, this lady is crazy! Leave it to Tracy to be the only person coming out in a prom dress. She did lose a ton of weight, however mostly in her face. It looked like her skin had been stretched around her face. I thought she had botox or something. But what made her face stand out was how broad her shoulders were. I mean it was like a linebacker.

Big Ol' Shay - (funny story, when I just typed shay, I accidentally typed shat) Shay rumbled on to the stage in typical shay fashion and grabsed the mic and started spouting of.....again! She told all the viewers out in TVland that she is the best looking 300 lb chubbler in the world. She goes on further to say how we should all pay tributes to her and slaughter a goat at her alter (dinner table). This got super annoying, and to make it worse, later in the show she got a damn prize! Subway (eat fresh) is giving her a 1000 dollars for every additional pound she loses from now until next seasons' final. TOTAL BS! This sends the worst message. Why should we reward somebody who has single-handedly raised our medicare taxes. I'm going to teach my kids that the best way to wealth is to wolf down tater tots and McGriddles until you are about....say...430 lbs. Then self promote your fat self until a crappy sandwich shop starts throwing money at you. Ugh! This made me so angry

Daniel - Daniel came on stage, flexed his flabby muscles then listed to shay. While she was yammering, he kept nodding so emphatically I thought his head was going to pop off. But hey, if you are going to be the baddest youth pastor in North Carolina, you better nod that head like no other. Daniel sucks.

Rebecca - This girl was a mess! After her self-promotion tour on Jay Leno, the Today show, and the internet, Rebecca comes out wearing a bright sequin tank top, no pants, and hair cut that looks like a Ken doll. She looked like Ashley Simpson after being pummeled with a sack full of potatoes. She doesn't say a damn word the whole time. She just keeps making hella lame poses and grinding on Daniel. It was kind of a train wreck. She ended up winning the $100,000 stay at home prize and did three versions of her patented dance. You know the one that looks like shes trying to wash her hands wine stomping grapes (see video).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9aymPARQGU&feature=related
(Sorry, for some reason its not letting me put links. Just copy and paste into your favorite browser.)

Liz - Liz found out early in the show that the rest of the country doesn't like her, so she was not eligible to win the grand prize. Not like it mattered anyway because she put up a piss poor showing. She weighed in at 176 lbs the gave an awkward hill country grin and we never saw her again.

The final three consisted of Amanda (no chance in hell of winning), Rudy, and Danny.

Amanda - she lost 90 sum odd pounds and was pretty much the sacrificial lamb to the beasts known as Rudy and Danny. Amanda was America's choice and all in all she did a good job. But in the end she let down this country. She knew that we are going through some tough times with the economy, Afghanistan, and such as, the Iraq, such as and still didn't come through. Amanda - not a patriot.

Rudy - Rudy was my pick from the very beginning and he did not disappoint. Every week he was workman like. He even took the time a couple weeks to tell shay to cram it. He was what a Biggest Loser rancher should be. He ended up losing 234 lbs! But in the end it wasn't enough to beat the dark horse that is Happy Danny.

Danny - This guy, after week 3 or 4, was a total badass. Something in his mind just clicked and he knew that he would destroy anybody that got in his way. He never fell below the yellow line because he pumped out double digits every week. His only advantage over Rudy was that Rudy didn't weigh more to begin with. Danny has a much smaller frame so he could ever get lighter. Rudy is a big guy, so 200 is prolly his lowest.

Congrats to Danny, you definitely balled like a true baller. This is Robert, signing off until next season......January 5!!!!