2010 Olympics

In one month the games of the umpteenth winter Olympiad will begin. Every other year we get a different Olympic games. And every other year Team USA shows the world what freedom + capitalism + the bill of rights + pop culture equals. And that is world domination.

If you ask Laura (but now you don't have to because I'm going to tell you), the Olympics are my favorite sporting events. Also favorites are baseball and Tech football. But in February, the Olympics are more favorite than the others. I love the pageantry of all the countries parading into the games and showing off their weird looking flags. I love it when the athletes from other countries go bonkers because they placed 5th in the women's freestyle skiing competition (it's so cute). I also love how the athletes from Team USA bring 10 extra pairs of blue jeans to sell to the eastern European and Russian contingents.

As a kid I would wake up every morning during the Olympics and check the medal counts. If USA was behind I would look ahead to the remaining events and count how many we would take to reassure myself that we would in fact come out on top. I take the Olympics very seriously.

In 2008 I probably watched a good 63 hours of Olympic coverage, partly because I wasn't working at the time, but also because I knew we had to represent in Red China. This year, I plan on watching that much if not more.

There are a few winter Olympic events that I especially enjoy. Downhill skiing is awesome because those guys (and gals) go so damn fast. They get hella air time as well. My buddy, Tom did some skiing this Christmas at the Olympic venue and he has assured me that Team USA will do well. I know the Canadians, Austrians and Germans are pretty good skiers, so they will be tough to beat. But since the games are in Canada, we pretty much have home field advantage.

Speed skating and short track speed skating are also cool as hell. In the past, the Koreans, Chinese, and Japanese have done very well in these events. But I gotta feeling (queue the Black Eye Peas) that Team USA, with their bulging leg muscles, will whip dat ass. If you haven't watched short track speed skating, I recommend you give it a chance. It's the one where everybody wears sweet yellow helmets. It's super exciting because there is a lot of passing, and at times it can get physical. When people fall, they go flying into the safer barrier (just like nascar).

Of course there is the bobsled, luge, and skeleton. For some reason the Americans don't do as well in these events. Maybe its because instead of sledding we are going to work, or donating to charities, or conducting bombing runs on terrorist bunkers. I don't know, we just don't seem to dominate these events like we should. Maybe this year will be different.

In summary, the Olympic are those once in a couple year opportunities for countries to unite in the celebration of sport, community, and American glory. The games are to be treated with respect. All of the athletes competing have worked many years just for the opportunity to come to America (we all know they are going to just cross the border after their event). In one month the games will be upon us, so prepare thy mind and thy soul. It's going to be balls-freakin-tastic!!!