Friday, October 30, 2009

Made it to NYC

We made it to NYC last night. This morning we went on the NBC studio
tour and saw Dylan rattigan (spelling) from cnbc. We also saw the cast
of the Today show in their Star wars costumes. Now, as you can see,
we have made it to Bloomingdales where laura is getting her shop on.

Stay tuned

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

East meats West

Yes that pun is intended. When people start talking trash about America, you just point them to this article.

http://features.csmonitor.com/innovation/2009/10/23/only-in-japan-the-burger-king-windows-7-whopper/

What would people do with out American ingenuity and innovation



Thanks to Matt for finding this.

What won't people do to their babies?

I was at the doctor's office this morning, and while I was waiting for him to come in the screening room I saw this brochure.
It caught me off guard because, damn, that baby has got one swanging head of hair. Why would anybody with hair like John Rzeznik from the Goo Goo Dolls look so sad? Ok, so he probably has an ear ache (just using context clues) but that glorious do has to count for something.
(John Rzeznik aint cryin')

In all honesty I think the baby is crying because he's an emo baby. He's got an emo hair weave and in order to sell the emo package he had to be crying. I bet if we saw more of that baby we would see black painted fingernails and a GooGoo Dolls CD.

There is no doubt in my mind that the hair atop that baby is a weave. I couldn't even grow hair that illustrious, and I'm a grown-ass man! Did you know that there are people out there that actually make wigs for babies? The wigs have got to be much easier to make than adult wigs because they are considerably smaller, and the users have no idea what they are anyway. I did a little research and stumbled upon a website that sells baby wigs. I give you BabyToupee.com http://www.babytoupee.com/index.php

At BabyToupee.com you can buy an assortment of adorable baby toppers including The Samuel L., The Little Kim, The Bob Marley, and my favorite The Donald. Any of these fabulous headpieces will vault your baby's popularity with the other babies that can't talk or think rationally at day-care.

Is Baby Lil-Kim gunna go out tonight and make some bad decisions?

Baby Donald is super successful! With this wig your baby will bring that success at any cost attitude (even if it means divorce).

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Can you hear that??

Oh my God, did you just hear that??? It was the sound of sleigh bells ring-ting tingling. There it was again! Off in the distance, it's getting closer and more clear!

Ladies and gentlehams, its the beginning of Fall, and to Laura that means Christmas! What? Too early you might ask? Well, the only reason Laura is getting prepared for Christmas now is because I told her we couldn't set the tree up in August.

The question is, why is she SOOOOO excited about Christmas? I mean, I like Christmas. It's fun and all, but I temper my excitement until, say, December. But Laura, oh no. Now is the time to get in the season. From my intense interrogation I found out why on earth she would want to celebrate Christmas the whole year around. And to my surprise it wasn't getting tons of awesome presents.

She loves the whole atmosphere from the Christmas tree, to the tinsel on the stair railings, to the stockings, to the Christmas cookies, to the hot chocolate, and especially the sales at the Mall. So in the Cross family we start the Christmas season after Halloween. In about one weeks time, the Christmas tree will be set up, the tinsel will be on the railings, cookies will be in the oven and Laura will be ecstatic! I fully expect to be listening to Alvin and the Chipmunk Christmas songs whenever we drive.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dnrosVyamY

This movie was actually based on Laura's love of Christmas.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

TBL Update

It's Wednesday and that means it's time for a little Biggest Loser talk. So get your mind right and let's get down to businazz.

First things first, this week was a pretty boring episode. All of the contestants (except for the gimpy ones) had to dig a hole in the sand to find a wooden trunk. I think during the challenges, the gimps should have to ride a bike or do something physical instead of cheering/snacking. For instance, a bonus should be given to the gimp who rides the furthest during the challenge. Anyway, back to the story. Team Blue Cheese wins this challenge running away and their reward are tickets back home for the week. However, if they go home, they will be without their trainer. Tracy knows that if she skips the trainer she will be killed, so they pass the reward to the Black Angus team.

For the next hour of the show we see the homecomings of all the Black Angus losers. This part of the show gets really preachy and self indulgent. "Oh (insert rancher here), we are so proud of you! You look so good!" FALSE. At this point in the show all contestants are fat/tubby/full of diabeetus. But the families/friends have to lie to their faces for the camera just as they lied to their faces when they said, "Go ahead, have another corn dog."

While at home, we learn that Shay is even more annoying than on the ranch. She goes to Subway with her unattractive friends and tells them what to order. If I were one of her bustid friends I would be all like, "Hellz nah, U aint gon tell me what to order. Iz a have a 5 dollar footlong BLT deep fried with some oreos and donut holez." Then Shay would be all tempted to wolf down my awesome meal. MWhahahaha! Back on track. Shay tells her hussy friends that she is in control of her decisions and she deserves to be at the ranch and she is the best and she is a better person than everyone else etc etc etc. It got super annoying.

When the Black Angus team got back the ranch, they had a last chance workout with Drill Sergent Jillian. There, Daniel decided he would have a sob fest with Jillian just so he could give her a hug. Probably the first time Daniel has hugged anything other than trashbag full of pit bbq. It was so corny.

At the weigh in, Team Blue Cheese dominated behind the 14 lb weight loss of Mix Master Rudy. His drop really put the pressure on the other team. Black Angus had to lose an average of 6.5 lbs per person in order to win the weigh in. Shay rolls up the scale and manages to lose a whopping 5 lbs! This is nothing for a 400 plus pounder. But she, as usual, pats herself on her huge back and says "That is 5 pounds! I am proud of that! I control my life, so 5 pounds, that is awesome." Then Boring Dina goes up there and drops 5 lbs (not great), but she is proud of herself. However, in the interview Big Fat Shay starts talking some smack. "Dina is not pulling her weight. We need to lose 7 pounds each, and she only lost 5."

Hello?!?! Shay, you are the one weighing the team down! you barely lost 1% of your body weight! Dina did her job, you are the dead weight. OMG, it makes me so mad. Well, finally Daniel gets on the scale and represents by gaining a pound. What?! Daniel, from season 7 and 8 gain a pound? That's right, he is not doing his job for the second season and needs to be let go.

Needless to say, the Black Angus team lost the weigh in so it was time for elimination. Danny, was safe because he dropped 15. To me the decision should be easy. Daniel or Shay. Its easy because I like those two the least, but still they did the worst and they contribute nothing but crappy motivational speeches. Shay talks to the team as if they CAN'T send her home, like she deserves to be there. News Flash! Nobody deserves to be there! There is not right saying, if you are unable to control your eating, you deserve to be on the BL Ranch. NO! Shay, listen up. You contribute nothing to the challenges, you just add weight to the bottom line for the weigh-ins, you consistently under perform for weight-loss, you sneak sandwiches into the workout room by hiding them under your hocks, you smell like Kit-Kats, and you are annoying. You should be the one going home.

But no, damnit they send Dina home. Who is Dina, you might ask? Right, she is a nobody that cant jump onto a 3 inch high stool. But at least she lost weight. Daniel came in second for the elimination. Dina had it right when she said, "Daniel has had multiple opportunities, everybody else on the ranch should get the same opportunity he had." Well said, but no dice.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

What a game!!

Went to the game last Saturday, and it was awesome! Unlike two years ago, there were very few Virginia Tech fans in the stands. We saw quite a few of them on MARTA heading down to the game, but not in the stadium. I guess they got lost or something.

It was a cold/windy day which made it necessary for me to wear 2 jackets. When you are big tech fan, 1 jacket is never enough! Anyhoo, as I said earlier, we saw a bunch of VT fans in the parking deck at MARTA getting all ready for the game. They were painting their chests a nasty orange/maroon-purple color. This was three hours before kick off and about 15 miles away from the stadium. Not the smartest bunch, but hey, nobody ever accused VT of being smart. I mean, what were they thinking?!

"Hey Jasper, should we paint our chest now, or a little before game time?"
"Durrrgh, let's do it now?"
"But wont we get paint everywhere on the train? And it's pretty cold outside so it would be another three hours we would have be outside with no shirt on."
Jasper, at this point was getting annoyed, "I SAID DURRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!! Let's DO IT NOW!! Gawlsh!! You r a MOE-RON!"

Well the Jackets went out there and beat a little ass so I was able to get this shot of me celebrating as tons of students ran out on the field. I guess the last time they ran out on the field was last year against FSU, but this time they took down the goalposts (I didn't stay that long). And the last time they took the goalposts down was in 2003 against the mighty Auburn Tigers.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Let's go jackets!!

Woooooo!

random picture

There are a bunch of these little bastards flying around our house. Anyway, this picture is for you, Richard.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Biggest Loser is rigged

After last night's episode, it is crystal clear that the biggest loser is rigged. Allow me to set the scene if you will. In previous episodes, Tracy (the moo cow who fainted on the beach) had taken every temptation (cupcakes and no trainers) to have control over the weigh-ins. The control she got really wasn't much in terms of who goes home and who stays. They were more controls to help her stay those two particular weeks. Anyway, she successfully used the powers granted to her to make every rancher hate her, especially big ol Shay, and Rebbecca.

So this week, if the rancher wanted to play, they could spin the wheel in hopes of getting the power to pick new teams, black and blue. They should really name the teams Black Angus and Blue Cheese. Anyway, several people spun the wheel and landed on tasty num nums, but Tracy managed to land on the prized spot on the first time!! No way! That is crazy! How on earth could that have happened?!? There is no chance one of the producers was under that wheel controlling it...

So Tracy picks the teams, and does a really good job of it. She puts all of the best players (except for Liz. Liz is a scrub) on her team and all the worst players on the other team. In the process she splits up several of the pairs. This infuriates everybody and makes Tracy even more of a villain. A W E S O M E

Tracy and the blue team, or course, dominate the challenge which really doesn't get them anything except a video from home (lam3 prize, not helping you win). But, they manage to lose the weigh-ins because Holier-than-Thou Dan and Turkey-Knee Shay manage to lose 27 lbs between them (start the sarcastic slow clap now). Then Shay stays on the scale and starts to pontificate about how she cant let others make decisions for herself and she is strong and blah blah blah. These weekly sermons by Shay are getting uber annoying and she is coming off as a complete dork. Ok, we get it, everybody has told you what to do in your life. They told you to eat multiple bags of Cheetos and chase it with a mushroom swiss stromboli. We know, we know.

So now, its clear, Blue Cheese team lost the weigh-in, Tracy is going home. But Wait!! Coach Mo decided that he would go home. He said that he would leave, and that he wanted to go. So if somebody WANTS to go, they have to go, right? WRONG, the other players on the blue cheese team should step up and say, "You know, Tracy has been a queen dick this whole season. Sorry, Mo, but Tracy.....get the fudge out!"

However, the producers didn't see it that way. The producers, in all likelihood told Mo to get the fudge out, and that if anybody voted for Tracy, they would be the next one to leave. Bodabing, Coach Mo is gone, and Tracy is staying. Next week, when we see Tracy walk back into the stable where all the ranchers are staying, I'm sure it will be funny as hell to see the Black Angus team react.

Biggest Loser = rigged

Let's get to some Power Rankings
1. Jillian - fiercest creature on the ranch
2. Bob - total badass with sweet tattoos so you know he's a total badass
3. Rudy - has a lot of weight to lose still and has been separated from the dead weight that is Dina
4. Allan - still somewhat athletic, too bad Jillian isn't his trainer
5. Dan - He needs a tummy tuck, pronto
6. Rebecca - "not just a pretty face", I believe its more like "not even a pretty face"
??? - all the rest have no shot in my eyes of winning this, so they are not ranked.


God bless the USA.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

What a great day

Saturday was awesome! It started off with me sleeping in until 8!! During the week I wake up around 5:15-5:30 so an extra couple hours does so much for my restfulness. Then I sat around, drank a few a.m. beers while watching College Gameday. Then I went over to Laura's dad, Jim's house (actually, it's her parent's house) to watch the UGA/UTenn game. We ate some pizza topped with many different types of meat and plenty of grease and watched UTenn demolish the bulldags.

After that game there were several others we could watch, all of which turned out to be pretty lame. I kind of dozed off because my belly was full of food and drink. Then I let out a couple deep resonating belches and I woke right up.
Around 6, Laura came back from the outlets with her mom and we went out to get some supplies to plant some herbs that Tom and Christina gave us as a housewarming gift. Thank you so much, Tom and Christina!! Anyway, it was a nice little Saturday, we went to the home depot, but we didn't have enough time to make it to Bed Bath and Beyond.

When we got home we watched some of our DVR shows like South Park (Chipotlaway.....hilarious). Then I got down to the real business of the night, GT vs. FSU. After the teams traded touchdowns in the first quarter, the game was delayed for over an hour. This sucked, except for the fact that UF was playing LSU, so I watched that for a while. Finally the game came came back on and it was a TD-fest. It was like MTV spring break at a shady Cabo hotel, everybody was scoring. But I have to say, our offense was playing like total badasses.
I couldn't stay up for the whole game so I went to bed, and this morning I woke up for the second half which was super duper! Long story short (I guess it's too late) we won and FSU lost. Josh Nesbitt played like a warrior. Next week against VT is going to be a huge game! I just hope our defense plays better.
All in all, it was a great day....and as for Sunday? Well, the Falcons will be playing, so .... yeah, Sunday will be good.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Stuck in my head

I have a chronic disease where every night I go to bed with a song stuck in my head. And every morning when I wake up it's still there or has been replaced with another song. The songs that get stuck up there are usually pretty crappy, but if it's a good song, it will quickly turn to crappy in my mind. Here's a little rundown of the past couple weeks:
  • Mylie Cyrus - Party in the USA (thanks, laura. this song is rancidly terrible)
  • Black Eyed Peas - Tonight's gunna be a good night (not sure of the tittle, and I dont really care to know)
  • Kelly Clarkson - My life would suck without you (my life sucks when this song is playin in my head)
  • Black Eyed Peas - Boom Boom Pow (the Peas making another appearance on the list)
  • Pearl Jam - The Fixer (a good song, but ESPN keeps playing it during their Ultimate Highlight)
  • Rhianna - Disturbia (thanks again, laura)

I am not proud.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Gourmet dinner for one?

Tonight I ate Campbells chunky clam chowder (NFL approved) with
tobassco and a Coors light. Then I'm gunna go watch TBL. This is a
typical meal of Robert circa 2006. Oh those were the times. I used to
live off of Raman noodles, hot dogs, cheap beer, and Juniors hamburger
baskets. Tom and Richard can attest. Simpler times....simpler times.

Six Sigma

I'm starting Six Sigma Green Belt classes tonight so I can become a certified GE foot soldier in the war against defects. There I will learn how to wave my hands in a more authoritative fashion and hopefully, one day be taken seriously by my co-workers. Basic training is 5-9pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays for two months. Expect updates throughout the process. My first objective is figure out why it's called a green belt. Second mission will be to find an actual green belt and wear it everyday to class.

"The tenants of Six Sigma are:

  • Teamwork
  • Insight
  • Brutality
  • Male Enhancement
  • Handshakefullness
  • Play Hard"

    -Jack Donaghy at the GE "Retreat to Move Forward"

Friday, October 2, 2009

Tracy

This is the crazy lady that has successfully pissed off every biggest loser rancher.


"Hooray, Tacos!!!!!"

Thursday, October 1, 2009

TBL Update

Let's talk some Biggest Loser. Last night I finished watching one of the great episodes in TBL history. People were crying, scarfing, getting yelled at, and enemies were created. As I predicted, two people were eliminated and there was a temptation challenge. However, the temptation challenge wasn't as epic as we have seen in the past. This being only the third week, many of the ranchers could resist the cupcakes put before them. Whoever ate the most cupcakes would get the power to pick the individual on each team to weigh in for that team. The reward really isn't that good because you don't know who is going to lose more pounds. Anyway, the winner in this challenge was Tracy by a landslide.



Earlier in the episode Tracy decided for herself and Coach Mo that they would forgo the use of one of the badass trainers for a 2 lb advantage at the weigh in. This pissed Bob and Jillian off so bad. Then the trainers found out that Tracy went to Pound Town on cupcakes for the crappy reward we already discussed. This sent Jillian in to an epic roid-rage where she threatened to rip Tracy's face off with her bare hands (she could do it....i know she could). Its clear that Tracy is crazy and has no idea what's going on.

At the final weigh-ins Tracy took it upon herself to piss off every team by picking the person the team didnt want to weigh in. This was the final step in a series of gameplay and relationship building flaws. Now everybody, including the trainers, hate Tracy. Hopefully she will stay on the ranch for a while so everybody gets really angry like a overweight swarm of bees.